Airports

Waiting to pick someone up at the airport gate - what a simple pleasure. What a place of several human emotions - usually happiness or sadness. Sometimes love, fear, and anger. A chance to watch the airplanes arrive and leave. A chance to meet a friend for a drink if they had a layover. A place after walking off the plane - seeing a familiar face - a comfort you were not forgotten.

Unbelieveable Feeling of Dread

Driving is typically not the best time to have an existential crisis. But I did and it was not great. I was on my way to a meeting but I believe that has nothing to do with my punched in the gut feeling of dread I felt when I was making a right turn onto Michigan Ave from Outer Drive. BRMC was on the iPod and I was thinking about people I know and people I have not seen or talked to in a long time and those I seem to have reconnected with several years since last seeing them. Then WHAM! I felt completely alone and questioning my existence. I started to cry and feel really scared. Yet, I was still able to drive without getting into an accident. When I finally made it to my destination, I was glad I was early - it was a lunch/dinner meeting at a restaurant and I was feeling really queasy (like I was punched in the stomach). I did have an ok meeting, though would've rather been anywhere but at Mexican Fiesta at that moment. The pit in my stomach eventually faded but I believe this feeling of Dread has lingered on. Not sure if that is my I feel so under the weather and helpless (I have no drive to do anything right now). But I guess pain does reinforce some sort of existence - I just wish I could be more productive and not so listless. I need to get out of this funk. I need to be stronger than my fear. I need...

But not as troubling as this feeling of dread, yet still troubling - where is "great, great sandwich"? I thought it was stated by Matthew Modine in Married To The Mob but not on the DVD - could it be in the VHS version? This is one of my favorite movie lines of all time and it seems to no longer exist in the DVD world of Married To The Mob. Or have I misremembered the movie it was from? But it has to be Married to the Mob!!!! Great....Great Sandwich.

It has been a long time, baby.

While I'm not confident in what I write I do feel like I need to write more. And not just the important stuff I am procrastinating. I have only myself to blame for being in this constant state of writing fear which is what I am in. I was to write but I'm afraid of it, that it will change everything. While I want change I fear it too. I feel like I'm trapped in "fear" that strange Patrick Swayze inspirational speaker in Donnie Darko would try to talk me out of.